"Learning to love yourself..."

"I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way."

"I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadows."

Such words of wisdom.

Now have them coming from one of the greatest vocalists of all time and being a kid of about 12 when you hear it.

Whitney was the first "diva" I'd ever heard - the first one that was relevant to my life. I knew my dad listened to Linda Ronstadt and Crystal Gale, my mom to Barbara Streisand (they made me gay, right?!) - but that all happened before I started seeking my own tunes.

Whitney was also the first person I remember following or hearing about in the media - I remember them saying she was young and new and had a great voice. When I saw her record (actual vinyl!) I thought she looked like someone that would be one of my friend's mother. I used to spend the night at my best friends house a lot and she would make us the most amazing pancakes in the morning and I actually had a recurring daydream of seeing Whitney cooking us pancakes instead! So yeah, a mother figure.

And those words... they really stuck with me... ""I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadows."

We hear  thousands of inspiration phrases and there are millions of such inspirational songs, but I  didn't know that at twelve.  Hearing this was like magic to me, and I remember feeling strong and inspired by such a noble, talented woman. I hid in my room and listened secretly, tears welling up from the simple message: no matter what anyone says, you can LOVE-YOUR -SELF.

I decided instantly that she was classy and angelic, accepting and nice. I liked nice... having just gotten into middle school, it seemed everyone was mean and picking on each other. Cool looking and always the peace-maker, I don't think I actually got picked on that much but I lived in extreme fear (in rural Louisiana) that someone would see through me and decide I was ugly, an outcast or challenge me in a way that would lead to a fight in which I would lose, making me the joke of the entire k-12 school.

I stopped following her as I became a little goth boy, but I never stopped liking her. When I heard about her tragic relationship and drug use, I felt genuinely sad, again as if it was happening to a friend's mother. By then I'd learned that bad things can happen to good people, and good people make bad choices, and that addiction was a long tough road (yeah, I'd read all about Nancy Spungen and Sid Vicious!).

Today I'm saddened again, because I think we all wanted the best for her, a road of recovery and health. So many people loved her so much. She gave us so much.

I hope that she loved herself.